Vigil
by jackandsamforever
Summary: Continuance scene for "The Front". Red sits at Liz's bedside and waits for her to wake up.


**AN:** I tried to keep this as close to canon as possible, with a few liberties. ;)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to the Blacklist or the songs.

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><p><em>Oh my precious, oh my love, when they come to take me,<br>I will hold you from above.  
>I don't know why we're here, and I don't know how,<br>But I'm here with you now, I am here with you now.  
>Cuz you were born to change this life.<br>Cuz you were born to make this right.  
>Cuz you were born to chase the light. <em>

Liz's hand twitched under his as he slowly stroked his thumb over her cool, dry fingers while lost in thought. It had been a close call today, and seeing Liz like this had only hit home how near he had come to losing her. He still felt a little sick to his stomach when he thought about it. Sure he came across as unfeeling and selfish to others, but when it came to Liz, that was furthest from the truth; he just knew how to put up a good front. Even to Liz. She meant more to him than even she knew, and the tight, terror filled vice around his throat was just barely beginning to loosen after hours of sitting at her bedside waiting to see if his biggest fear was about to be realized.

Red swallowed noisily and pulled his hand from hers to run it over the top of his head and down his stubbly jaw, then leaned over to see what song was playing on his iPod. He squinted at the slightly blurry words on the bright screen, then smiled as he saw that "The Anniversary Waltz" was playing. The iPod was the only piece of technology that he kept. It had been a gift from Dembe a few years back. Red had refused it at first, but Dembe had insisted it was the earliest version and that no one could track him with it; then, when Dembe had told him that he'd already loaded songs on it for him, Red had finally relented; and he was glad that he had. The music was an eclectic variety, and he enjoyed it immensely. Especially since most of the time he didn't have a TV or a book to entertain him on his downtime. Oh, he found projects to occupy his time, his most recent building a projector so he could watch the only film he had of his precious daughter, but it was nice to sit back and listen to music sometimes.

Red turned his attention back to Liz and studied her face. She still didn't look well, but he could tell she was on the mend. Her eyes were moving rapidly beneath her eyelids though, as if she were having a nightmare. The steady beeping in the background began to rise steadily as well. He moved his hand over and trailed his fingers up the soft skin of her forearm. Back and forth, back and forth, until the beeping began to slow. He sat back again, but left his fingers on her arm as he yawned widely. He was exhausted, but he wasn't going to leave her room until she woke up. They had put her in a medically induced sleep, but that had been hours ago, and the doctors had told her that she should be waking up anytime. He was ready to see those crystal blue eyes again, no matter how upset she was with him. She was always mad at him these days, but he did his very best to bait her most of the time, so it was mainly his own fault. He couldn't seem to stop himself, she made it entirely too easy.

He tried to hold back another yawn that threatened but wasn't successful. His eyes slipped closed on their own accord and he didn't fight to keep them open.

He was just going to rest them, nothing more.

OOOOOO

The first sounds Liz became aware of as she woke was music. She had no idea where she was or where the music was coming from. She tried to open her eyes, but it hurt, so she relaxed and listened to the music playing so close to her ears. _Must be headphones, _she thought to herself.

_With no one else around you  
>No one to understand you<br>No one to hear your calls  
>Look through all your dark corners<br>When you're backed up against the wall  
>Step back from the line of fire.<em>

She had never heard this song before, but she liked it. She listened until the end of the song, then attuned her senses to her surroundings. She heard a constant beeping, so she must be in a hospital. But for the life of her she couldn't remember why. She must have been injured or-

Everything slammed back at her at once. Deadly airborne virus, Samar, Lying on the floor in the airport, telling Samar things she shouldn't have.

Dammit.

She forced her eyes open and blinked rapidly at the stinging pain it induced. Once her vision was somewhat clear, she looked around the room she was lying in. Bland yellowish walls, stock painting by the window, hospital equipment, Red's head on her arm, bathroom door open with the light on, she hated when people left the ligh-

Wait, Red was here and he was asleep. On her. Now that she knew what it was, the steady, warm air on her arm was Red's breath as he slumbered on unawares of her scrutiny.

She craned her neck further to get a better look, but his face was turned away from her. All she could see was the top of his head.

With her free hand, she slipped the earbuds out of her ears and twitched her imprisoned arm to see if it would wake him. Nothing. But now that she didn't have music playing in her ears, she could hear the quiet snores emanating from him every time he exhaled.

It was entirely too endearing.

She had been in a constant state of annoyance with him for months, and it needed to stay that way. She couldn't let her guard down. Not when she had too much to lose, too many secrets to withhold from him.

Sighing at her maudlin thoughts, she began to reach her free hand over to touch his head to wake him, but its progress was stopped by the damned IV.

Rolling her eyes and not wanting to wait for Red to wake on his own, she shook the arm under his head more forcefully. His head moved, but he didn't sit up. As she went to shake him again, his snoring suddenly stopped and he sucked in a deep breath then let it out slowly. She could feel his long eyelashes as he blinked his eyes rapidly, seemingly finally awake.

After another few seconds, he sat up slowly and squinted at her with one eye open with a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Lizzie, how nice of you to join the world of the living."

She glared at him. "Red, what the hell-"

He interrupted her before she could get a head of steam going. "How are you feeling?" Without waiting for her answer, he continued, "You know, I once visited a friend in the hospital. I was there for _days. _Longest week of my life. I told her that-"

She cut him off. "Shut up, Red." She _so _didn't want to hear about him visiting another woman in a hospital. He already knew how possessive she was of him, and figured that he was trying to bait her once again.

Surprisingly, he stopped and watched her with a raised eyebrow expectantly. She swallowed thickly. "Can I get some water?"

He smiled again. "Certainly." Without another word, he stood and poured some water into a paper cup from a cheap, plastic pitcher sitting on her meal tray. He handed it to her without a word, but as she took it she couldn't help but brush her fingers against his as she took the cup. She always felt "something" when she touched him or he touched her, and it was no different this time.

As she drained her cup, she lowered it to find him watching her closely again. She sighed. "What?"

He sat back down on his chair and crossed his right leg over his left, then tugged his vest down. "You look a lot better than you did, Lizzie. Good thing Beck never intended to die for his cause and made an antidote for himself, or we wouldn't be sitting here."

She sniffed and closed her eyes tiredly. Her initial adrenaline was wearing down quickly. "And Samar? Is she going to make it?" She opened her eyes and watched him closely.

He schooled his features and nodded. "She'll be fine as well. Although her recovery will be longer because of the gunshot. Aram is with her now."

She nodded, satisfied by his answer and what she _didn't_ see in his expression.

He knew she was jealous of Samar, with good reason, but she was nothing to him but a passing fancy. Liz was who he wanted in the end, no matter how long it took.

He stood up reluctantly. He wanted to stay with her, but knew she wouldn't allow it. Red slipped his coat on and picked his hat up from the tray. "I'll be taking my leave now, but I'm sure you'll be getting out of here soon. I'm glad you're well, Lizzie." He reached down and squeezed her hand, resisting the urge to push her hair back from her face and tuck it behind her ear.

She nodded, but didn't say anything as she watched him put his fedora on then begin to move towards the door. That's when she heard the faint sound of music once again and remembered his iPod.

"Wait, Red. Take your music player."

He turned and walked towards her, then stopped at her bedside. "You can keep it for now, but I want it back eventually." Without waiting for her answer, he reached over and picked the buds up from where they were lying on her chest, then gently put them back in her ears, ghosting his fingers along her jaw as he pulled away. Before he could move towards the door, she caught his arm and squeezed it lightly. "Thanks, Red," she said quietly, then closed her eyes and let her hand drop.

He nodded, even though she couldn't see, then watched her for a few more seconds. He wanted to lean down and kiss her forehead. The urge was almost overwhelming, but he resisted and made himself turn and walk out of her room. If he pushed too hard, too quickly they would be back at square one. They were already on the rocks. There were too many secrets between them, but he couldn't do anything but continue to chip away at the ice surrounding her heart.

He hoped he would be able to get through to her eventually, but as he continued to throw her in harm's way, her future was just as much in the air as his was. That scared him more than anything.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I haven't written anything for a couple of months now, so if this is terrible then I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get back in the game. I would love to hear what you think, good or bad. Thanks for reading. :)


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